Sling it!

 

Boobies. There are a few words in this world that make you chuckle like an immature little kid. Boobies have always been one of them. I suggest you stop reading if seeing the word “boobies” outrages you. They have so many different names they go by now most people don’t even refer to them as boobies anymore. You know how a person may have gone by their birth name their whole childhood and later changed it when they became an adult so it sounded more distinguished. Boobies are similar in that aspect because we now call them boobs.

 

Back, to boobies on demand. I remember a time the only way you saw boobies was at a movie, a gentleman’s club, or in the bedroom. Now a days, you see mom’s popping out their boob on demand to feed their hungry child. And I’m perfectly fine with that. If I’m hungry I can always open the fridge. If a baby’s hungry they shouldn’t have to wait so some schmuck can feel better that the mom went somewhere else to do that. What I don’t understand is the need to actively post a picture of a mom’s boobies feeding her child on some social website. All I’m saying is if you feel the need to post pictures of your boob while feeding your child on a social media forum don’t get upset if you get additional unwanted attention. That post was not about you wanting to educate the social media world. That was about you starving for social media attention and hoping to get a lot of “likes”.

 

Moms, keep feeding those babies. If the world isn’t ready for it, who cares… Women, stop posting photos of your boobies and then getting upset if you have guys you didn’t want to like or comment on your status. There are private methods or adult chat rooms so you can show your boobies to the people you want to see them.

 

Bring it!

Sling it!

 

It’s safe to say that some things in life are easier than others. Like jumping into the deep end of the pool with little swimming experience and trying to make it to the other side. Signing up for a last minute marathon when you haven’t trained for it. Walking up to someone you like that is surrounded by people you know and asking them if they would like to go out with you. Standing in front of a large group of people and sharing something you’ve put a lot of work into. Or getting on that extremely large rollercoaster with the person you just started dating because you wanted to impress them even though you are terrified of rollercoasters. Unless it is an extreme phobia, it’s safe to say that all of these actions are easier to do than saying two simple words.

 

Saying, “I’m sorry” is probably one of the most difficult things we face in our everyday lives. If you are apologizing, that means a few things had to have happened. First, you made a mistake. Secondly, your mistake impacted someone else. Now the level of embarrassment does go up considerably depending on the relationship you have with that individual, if you accused them for any wrong doing as part of the mistake, and the impact level you cost them during this process. Now tie all that together and add how much time you allowed to pass after you realized your mistake before you did anything to correct it. That apology just got a whole lot harder.

 

We’ve all been there. We made a mistake. Our first reaction is to get angry and defensive if we get confronted about it. We do that because it is our natural instinct to protect ourselves. It’s that survivor instinct. The other reaction is to want to shrink down as small as you can and stick your head in the ground hoping that no one can see you, hear you, or find you. You are utterly ashamed.

 

After the mistake is made, many people in the wrong often defer back to a religious teaching and throw out the old proverbial saying that God teaches to forgive your trespasser. Some of these individuals are not even faith practitioners when resorting to this level of defense. The upside of someone saying this to someone they wronged is that the person means something to them. On the other hand, God does teach to forgive. So if you were the person wronged, forgive them. He doesn’t say they have to remain in your circle so they have the opportunity to do it again at a later time. It’s all relative to the impact cost that was endured after the mistake was made. If the person who was wronged lost big pieces of who they were and what they had, don’t expect them to remain in the same circle with you while moving forward. And honestly forgiving someone takes time, a lot of time depending on the circumstances. Sometimes it never happens and that’s ok.

 

So how do we apologize? That is the scenario that has played in your mind a million times over. Here’s the thing, there is no right way or perfect time for it. If you screwed someone over, you want to apologize as soon as possible. You want to be sincere. If someone is telling you the apology, they are not apologetic. There is a level of humility that can be seen and felt when apologizing. Apologize only once. Maybe twice if the mistake was severe. Apologizing frequently takes away from the meaning behind it. So does making the same mistake over and over again. Make sure you stand there if the other person has any choice words they want to tell you. That is part of the apology. Standing there and taking it so the other person has a chance to feel whole again is also part of it. And don’t expect to be forgiven and move forward with them. It’s their choice on which path they take after that. Hopefully everyone can move forward in a positive direction together. Stronger. That may not happen. Or they may just need time, like mending a fence.

 

Bring it!

Sling it!

 

Most everyone searches and applies for a job. Right now some of you are going, what does he mean by most everyone? There has been a growing trend over the past many years of people that haven’t wanted to work and get by very well living off of financial assistance instead of joining the workforce. Yes, there are individuals that are doing there best and need a hand up. I am not talking about those individuals. I am talking about the individuals who are taking advantage of the assistance. Anyway, not my topic. You see what you did there, you got me all riled up on a topic I’m not even writing about. That’s for another day.

 

Back, to my favorite job ad. There is a large national retail chain that places job ads in the paper and online letting people know they are hiring. Right now some of you just laughed out loud and some of you are wondering if I’m on drugs. Yes. A lot of national retail chains place job ads in the newspaper and online. No. I am not on drugs. See what I did there? I just informed some individuals that don’t have a job to look in their local paper or online and maybe they can go get one. Anyway, I love when this select retail chain places their ad.

 

It’s listed just like this, “(insert chain store) hiring for a part time pos associate. I always laugh hysterically when I read this. I guess if you feel you are a piece of sh*t, you have that job locked up. I always wonder how they determine those job requirements.

Job seekers; happy hunting!

 

Bring it!

Sling it!

 

Going through the process of finding new employment is the first response a lot of people have when things are not going the way they had hoped when they started that new position. The work atmosphere may not be as friendly as you liked. The pay raises may not be panning out the way you expected. You might be filling in for other people more often because you are the low person on the totem pole. You feel you should be handling more responsibility. Or you may have bumped heads with your boss on a select issue and that relationship feels a bit strained. There are numerous reasons why we feel the urge to start looking for a new job. And it’s usually because we feel slighted in some way.

 

This process has become the norm. We are afraid of negative feedback. We are afraid of failure. So we are always looking for something better when things don’t measure up to our own self worth. And this is where the struggle generally lies.

 

So a what point should you really start looking for new employment?

 

There is a growth in maturity when you can start asking yourself that question as the default response instead of going straight to searching for new job postings. Working is a constant in life, much like birth, breathing, eating, and dying. Even the homeless person on the corner is working as they sit there trying to earn their next score or meal.

 

If you are honest with yourself, you will acknowledge there will always be some level of strife at any employer you go to. You may like the new boss better but over time there will be some rift that both of you will have to move forward from. Same with your co-workers. You may be upset about a small pay raise you received and feel it should be more. This could be a good opportunity to look inward to see where your shortcomings are and have some hard conversations with your boss about how to improve them if you want things to change. Maybe you are not experiencing the growth in responsibility you imagined you would have when you took the position. All of this can generally be resolved by having some direct conversations with your manager.

 

So when is it the right time to start looking for new employment?

 

It is always a good time to start looking for a new job when you don’t like the job you do. If you hate what you do, there is no reason to keep doing it. Find something new. You will be happier. If you keep seeing the same pay increase result after you’ve had those hard conversations and made those changes, then that’s a good time to start looking elsewhere. If you have been pigeonholed and no amount of hard work from your end has been able to change that perception, it’s time to look elsewhere. Change can be good. There will always be another employer who values the skillset you bring. Just make sure you have done everything from your end first and have those hard conversations. Or you will always be looking for a new employer because while there may have been some issues you had to deal with at work, the real issue was you. Happy Anniversary versus Happy Hunting.

 

Bring it!

Sling it!

 

Swipe right to like. That is the backstory many parents of tomorrow will be giving to their children.

 

(Backstory) Your daddy liked my picture and thought my bio that said, “If you are only looking for sex, keep on swiping” was very mature. So he swiped right at 1:37am. That day is ingrained in my mind forever. So the very next day when I opened my app, I saw a lot of guys who swiped right. Some sent dick pics and others tried to be witty asking me to have sex with them.

 

When I saw your daddy’s picture I almost knew right then I was going to like him. He looked nice in his picture and listed he liked a TV show that I liked too. I did like 3 other guy’s profile and swiped right to their pictures before your dads but your daddy made me laugh when he messaged me, “you look so beautiful in your picture, I farted”. So I told him I would meet him at this bar for drinks that night. It was perfect because one of the other guys I also liked was taking me out to go eat. Your dad bought me some of my favorite drinks and by the end of that night, you were conceived. It was so romantic and you were the end result of me swiping right. We tried staying together but it was hard being a family. And there was this other guy on a different app that liked my booty pics so we hooked up for a couple of months after things didn’t work out with your daddy. It was much tougher back then. You’ll understand when you get older. (The end)

 

Dating is dead. The 30 seconds of courage needed to walk up to a girl and ask her out has been recoded in today’s society as overly aggressive and possibly a stalker. Let’s forget that those 30 seconds are probably harder for a guy then it is to perform some stupid stunt with their friends. For others, enlisting in the military was an easier option and they never took that chance. The fear of rejection can feel monumental. And for the girls it’s become equally as hard. Their worst fears of someone they barely know is asking them out. Is he a player, a loser, an undocumented psychopath? They don’t have the security of opening up an app and finding out if he has likes, how many other people like him and if it’s ok for them to like him. Life has gotten very real in a matter of seconds.

 

This is also another reason everyone is searching and no one is happy. It is to easy now-a-days to re-open an app when things start getting hard or you find yourself having real conversations that scare you because you might actually need to commit to someone. Dating is dead.

 

Dating will eventually come back around. Sweaty palms. Nervous feelings. Not knowing what to say or when to say it. And not having the ability to re-write it a bunch of times before you send it. Taking chances on someone you know little about. And not having a fall back plan. Dating is scary. Dating may be dead, but dating will happen again.

 

Bring it!

Sling it!

 

Our digital conversations have certainly evolved over the years. They started with sequences of (1)’s and (0)’s. Turned into the language we prefer to communicate in. And now we have elevated those same conversations with the ability to add expressions, abbreviations, and emoji’s to get our point across. Have they added any real value to what we are trying to say and are we saying anything at all?

 

This has been the direction conversations have shifted towards. It started with the movement of adults wanting to relive a part of their past and they began talking hood with their friends so they could show time hasn’t changed their middle school essence. This led to more people speaking hood and we began losing the art to effectively communicate with each other. That allowed a rift to grow and educated people started sounding more and more like individuals who had no desire or need to educate themselves like the teenage internet stars, sex tape to fame stars, and the music industry overnight success stars who have never worked a real job a day in their life. So we were introduced to words like “bae”, “KK”, “bye felicia”, “shade”, and “turnt” to name a few. We knowingly dumbed ourselves down.

 

It didn’t stop there. We were overtaken by the internet storm when we were first exposed to the abbreviation of “LOL”. We all laughed out loud at that one and we used it until we killed it. It no longer has any real meaning except to make the person on the receiving end of the conversation feel better about themselves or lessen any awkwardness. That grew into the use of more abbreviations like “LMBO”, “K”, and “YOLO” which eventually turned into emoji’s. Now we can have complete conversations without the use of any physical words. That just makes me want to go out some days, club a woman over the head, and drag her back to my place and say “Me want sammich”. Then carve my daily outings on a wall so others can carve a “like” sign next to it. There used to only be 2 kinds of international language.

Now we have 3: Math, Love, & Emoticons.

 

Bring it!

Sling it!

 

So much of everything is packed into the tiniest bit of nothing. Those words will never be more clear until you find yourself starting over. And everything else you relied on, everything else you counted on, everything else you were a part of falls apart. So let’s be clear. Everyone falls and everyone fails. Not everyone is in the situation of starting over because everything in their world failed.

 

How are you supposed to come back from something of that magnitude? The real answer is, you don’t… And that is your silver lining. You might be going through this situation right now. Your relationship failed, your employment has ended, you’re about to be evicted, and you find yourself grasping for answers because you may still have little ones needing more from you. You may be sitting alone in that shelter home right now looking around wondering how life got so far out of hand for you to be there. Your family may be small or estranged, you may have none, and your friends can only carry you so far because they are trying to make a life of their own. Life didn’t happen the way you imagined it. And everything you ever packed into this life has vanished into the tiniest bit of nothing.

 

You are going to find yourself rationalizing with life, with God, and with yourself. You are going to be like that broken record that only plays that annoying part and your circle of friends will eventually grow smaller. So where is this silver lining at? The truth is, I’m not done yet. You are also going to get angry. Very angry. At life, friends, family, at the person you feel is the blame for it all, even the person at the DMV. That’s not right, everyone’s angry with the people at the DMV. Basically anybody.

 

So where is this silver lining at? Again, still not done. When you are done being angry, you are going to be taken on this wild rollercoaster ride of emotions. That range from finding happiness simply by being able to purchase your own meal to being outraged because your stapler did not staple correctly. Think of this process like a hard re-boot for your mind. You are re-learning everything all over again. And while you can process the situation as you are going through it, you aren’t able to manage it as you have in the past. It is like seeing your old playbook that you used to master but now all those answers have been erased and it feels like it’s completely new. So you are going to make quite a few new mistakes from some old situations you’ve already been through.

 

Are we at the silver lining yet?

Here’s the thing. I can’t give you a playbook to refer to or a timetable on how long you will experience this. I can tell you the silver lining. Assuming you don’t place yourself in any permanent legal trouble and you are strong enough not to find alternative ways to escape your reality, you will eventually make it through to the other side. More importantly, you will not be the same person you used to be. Your weaknesses will become your strengths. You will no longer rely on the power you can wield. You will allow your creativity to influence a situation. And when the world is stressing over the monotonous, superficial, or absurd things, you will know how to live in the moment and enjoy it. So everything you ever packed has turned into the tiniest bit of nothing.

 

Bring it!